Fucking Up, Generally

I’m fucking up

Conscious of it

as it happens, can’t stop it –

like a hiccup

 

Everyone waits for the person

who has a bad temper to self-destruct

It’s amusing, entertaining

Fodder for senseless chatter

 

 

I fucked up my coffee

Sipped its bitterness

Sugar packets slipped me

Rather remiss

 

Fucked up in traffic

An insomniac does not have

The most reflexive reactions

Rear-end you and drive away

No insurance to pay

 

Fucking up various

admissions tests. Maybe a Bachelor’s

is my pinnacle. Severely cynical.

I’m soulless. No one has ever asked me:

What’s gotten into you?

 

I’m fucking up, so now I’m collecting

coins off the floor. Someone comes

I posed my ready question

“Hey, have you seen my phone?”

 

I’m fucking up. I think I’m malnourished

People tell me with eyes

of uncertainty

to not get discouraged.

 

Straightforward paths

unite against me to form a labyrinth

Every molehill is a mountain

Errors increasing exponentially

I’m fucking up, essentially

Infatuation

Hiring a hacker

For $500

he will email me

pictures of my friend’s sister.

 

This hacker

his alias is Dirty Little Mister

Refreshing my inbox incessantly –

today is going to be the day –

or my money back!

 

When you mix

the pervy with the nerdy

this is what you get

 

No disrespect

I just want to see you naked

For courting have no patience

and that time might be wasted

This is better. You’re so unsuspecting.

 

Staying caffeinated

Big can of Mountain Dew

sitting by my side

Chipper and antsy

like children on Christmas

 

I get an email

Subject says: ENJOY – 15 images from phone

Saw nipples and I freaked

Got up in disbelief and paced

Shot glances at the screen

till I believed

 

I said goodnight

to family members who were up

If they think I’m sleeping

they’ll be less likely to interrupt

You see? I’m pointing at my right temple now –

I’m smart

 

I’ll just

say this about the pics

They were the shit!

Worth every penny

This is material

for nights plenty

 

Weeks later

I walked by her

She was on the porch

with her boyfriend, talking

We both looked at her

lustfully

And we probably both

see through her clothes

with a quite

accurate imagination

Or at the very least –

just me 😉

Random Pt. 20

Smoking meth with Aaron Paul

Going to the bathroom just

to roam the halls.

 

Aimless. Fameless. The Life & Times

of Nameless.

 

Wardrobe so old, so old

Every combination I’ve adorned

Wear my father’s shirt

for a change.

 

I like raccoons, wish I

saw them more often.

 

A bag of chips and Xbox One

A life without a daughter or son

At this point nothing will be fun

until I do what I believe

must be done

 

Desire ambiguous. So,

fulfillment unattainable

like a child on his toes unable

to reach the Trix on the fridge

so he drags over the chair from the table

 

Perhaps there’s a chance…

Dumb and Dumber-type chance

 

Energy drinks made me forget

what water is.

Complaining about being fatherless?

But you don’t know what you missed

 

Feeling confident like having breath

minty. When you swap spit during

a kiss. Or wake up on test day –

ready to ace.

Adderall-infused study sessions

paved the way

 

For now, I have nothing more to say…

 

March 7th

It is March seventh, a new batch of pills

The thrill at the pharmacy: wow oh wow

It’s time to enhance or revive my skills

I take ALL my meds, man – I took the vow

 

A capsule of speed is bag of Skittles

Thinking, writing, typing, thinking again

My concentration is rather brittle

On the cusp of a tangent, brain can vend

 

Contents obscure or contents familiar

Just take your pick and I’ll supersede it

With my preference, I’m first in billiards

Can’t be weaned off – I need it, I need it

 

I create at pace unprecedented

With candid ad infinitum venting

Destination: Destiny

All destinies are glorified

Arrivals leave some mortified

 

Most of the remainder,

recoil as they near

destinations that are becoming

increasingly clear

 

All journeys are painful

to some extent. A dent.

No matter the lot, the car

will drive into a Scar.

 

No destiny is sealed like letters.

If you are dealt cards

then,

you are a bettor

 

Destiny awaits things unrelated

to the individual who thinks

he makes it. Destiny is

like a rapist: Just take it!

 

All destinies are glorified

Arrivals leave some mortified

Sky, Inspire Me

Lasso around a cloud

makes a balloon – and string

held by an animal

 

Over the shoulder carry

a dream found, captured.

My dream is not a slave.

 

Parading around town.

Navy blue sports jacket

Jeans the color of bats

 

Bare feet connect my dream

to concrete plan, concrete.

I’m just the medium.

 

Now, once upon a night

I thought ambitious thoughts.

I went to the garage

and found what I had sought

 

I spun it over head –

spun like propellers, fast.

Blue bike popped a wheelie,

caught meaning as it passed

 

Nights long, fasting – feasting

on quick ruminations,

the things that make blueprints.

Write while weight is erasing

 

Drift ever so lightly, heels scrape the ground

Carried by my comrades – I love you guys

Rising. Rising.  I weigh nearly no pounds

Take off for good with propulsion of sigh

 

My dreams, you see…are attached to me

My neck is where they latched on to…breath (?)

Pessimist's Poem

In this world

I am alone when distraction is longed for

Timid when outgoingness is called for

 

Everyday

I am a heartbeat away

from capping off the worst life

 

 

Slipping into a sedentary habit

Indifference is quite biased

against living

 

 

I used to be a participant

Lollygagged for many calendars

And now…?

 

Trying to resist menial work

Jumping high, fingers on the edge

Curl them, pull up and fall again

 

Cannot commit suicide

My instincts bar me

from murdering myself

 

So, I am trapped, yes?

Head hung, bowing to the moss

on bricks

 

Some around me

pretend to be

living as who they were not meant to be

 

I

on the other hand

have given up the sham

 

The hope is the croak

of the frog itself

 

I tell an optimist this:

Go fuck yourself

Random Pt. 19

A Rubik’s Cube buried in a coffin

Funeral packed with PhDs

A cow shutters as a farmer sucks its udder

Airtight garage with fumes exhaust

 

Photography. Snap a shot of ideologies

People exiting a hookah bar, entering the stressed streets

Christian Muslims, Black Albinos

Sending prayers to god that explode on arrival

 

Devouring dog shit with a dab of salt

I want to see a nuclear war.

 

 

Singing mutes belt vocals heavenly

I think I want to die at 70

I like pain but not too much pain

Eating man-made pancakes – a bunch of goo

 

I bring firefighters to igloos

At current, I am a dead wire and set fire to a guy named Edmire

Astonishing the absurdity

So fashionable the unreason

 

Turn on the tube and watch online news

What is cracking on the web today?

We are such a community, feel like I know you

This is like the adult home school

A Bad Hombre

An immigrant came from Costa Rica

Went to Starbucks and raped a barista

Fled the scene in a stolen Mercedes

Driving drunk, killed a mom and (you guessed it) her baby

On his way to rob a PNC bank

“It’s a bad hombre! Get out of the way!”

Clerk at the bank was cooperative

So she was raped but was allowed to live

Then he passed by parks, selling drugs to kids

Found a Sanctuary City and hid

Following day, he visited his folks

They’re good people, by the way, unlike most

Thanks to Trump, this scumbag was caught and shipped

Back home to Costa Rica – good riddance!

Artful Little Aardvark

The aardvark smiles when the clock strikes 12

A plan centers around you and locks you

inside a station circular – the circle is the station

 

 

Banging a nail through a wall with forehead’s force

Washing hands with just water

Whimpering in a corner like a scared little boy

 

 

Shuffling along, passing scenes chaotic

Diving into garbage, hope no one sees me

Finding trash, think it treasure – easy

 

Standing in awe at an art museum

Portrait hangs over me with exaggerated enormity

Blown back for staring too long

 

Travel back to when all was still

No time to kill

I am real