Inside…reside inside…
…inside the dominion
of six slabs composed
of imposing concrete
The two opposite each other
inch incrementally
Wish they would
grow apart
but no
A chain attached to each
Well within
reach but why
would I, the date
they meet
expedite?
Seemingly sporadically
the slugs sprint
Halt
then resume
sluggardly
There was
a time or two
ground gained rapidly
impending doom
I was helpless
I am helpless
Inside the cube
Gone
the memorability of months
the framework of days
come to me as
a blur in a fog ,
floating away with the smog
as I sit blankly
commanding a car
in the traffic. I’m stuck
but no matter,
I’m lost
I’m fucking up
Conscious of it
as it happens, can’t stop it –
like a hiccup
Everyone waits for the person
who has a bad temper to self-destruct
It’s amusing, entertaining
Fodder for senseless chatter
I fucked up my coffee
Sipped its bitterness
Sugar packets slipped me
Rather remiss
Fucked up in traffic
An insomniac does not have
The most reflexive reactions
Rear-end you and drive away
No insurance to pay
Fucking up various
admissions tests. Maybe a Bachelor’s
is my pinnacle. Severely cynical.
I’m soulless. No one has ever asked me:
What’s gotten into you?
I’m fucking up, so now I’m collecting
coins off the floor. Someone comes
I posed my ready question
“Hey, have you seen my phone?”
I’m fucking up. I think I’m malnourished
People tell me with eyes
of uncertainty
to not get discouraged.
Straightforward paths
unite against me to form a labyrinth
Every molehill is a mountain
Errors increasing exponentially
I’m fucking up, essentially
All destinies are glorified
Arrivals leave some mortified
Most of the remainder,
recoil as they near
destinations that are becoming
increasingly clear
All journeys are painful
to some extent. A dent.
No matter the lot, the car
will drive into a Scar.
No destiny is sealed like letters.
If you are dealt cards
then,
you are a bettor
Destiny awaits things unrelated
to the individual who thinks
he makes it. Destiny is
like a rapist: Just take it!
All destinies are glorified
Arrivals leave some mortified
Lasso around a cloud
makes a balloon – and string
held by an animal
Over the shoulder carry
a dream found, captured.
My dream is not a slave.
Parading around town.
Navy blue sports jacket
Jeans the color of bats
Bare feet connect my dream
to concrete plan, concrete.
I’m just the medium.
Now, once upon a night
I thought ambitious thoughts.
I went to the garage
and found what I had sought
I spun it over head –
spun like propellers, fast.
Blue bike popped a wheelie,
caught meaning as it passed
Nights long, fasting – feasting
on quick ruminations,
the things that make blueprints.
Write while weight is erasing
Drift ever so lightly, heels scrape the ground
Carried by my comrades – I love you guys
Rising. Rising. I weigh nearly no pounds
Take off for good with propulsion of sigh
My dreams, you see…are attached to me
My neck is where they latched on to…breath (?)
In this world
I am alone when distraction is longed for
Timid when outgoingness is called for
Everyday
I am a heartbeat away
from capping off the worst life
Slipping into a sedentary habit
Indifference is quite biased
against living
I used to be a participant
Lollygagged for many calendars
And now…?
Trying to resist menial work
Jumping high, fingers on the edge
Curl them, pull up and fall again
Cannot commit suicide
My instincts bar me
from murdering myself
So, I am trapped, yes?
Head hung, bowing to the moss
on bricks
Some around me
pretend to be
living as who they were not meant to be
I
on the other hand
have given up the sham
The hope is the croak
of the frog itself
I tell an optimist this:
Go fuck yourself
I consist
of consciousness – that’s it
A sorry life, excuses flow profusely
Despair dares to pursue me
Seeks me incessantly
Looks under the bed, in the closet
in the most secluded chambers of my mind, hiding silently
Found frequently, maimed more
Compelled to purchase pain in store
Takes me like the tide
Fingers clawing at the sand…
Unloved, friendless, resentment
Unoccupied, complacent, tormented by the past
Weak, anemic, swaying crazily as light breeze passes
Diminished, discouraged, decimated
Inarticulate, unwise, revolting reflection
Shameful, embarrassed for existing in this state
Competed, defeated, crumbling
Mundane Monday. Clock ticks lethargically.
Look outside and see a snapshot of laboring.
Anguished face angled back. Sobbing silently.
A bathroom light illuminates a spirit caged.
Stepping back into the world wholly collected.
Toiling away in a cycle unbeatable, unstoppable.
Wearing self-destruction.
Timer reads: ??/??/????
I am frank, no relation to Ann Frank
Flash a smile so sly it bleeds deception
King of Hills like Bobby, Peggy, AND Hank
Strutting around with a caged erection
Groaning loudly at shameless race baiting
Laughing out loud at feigned sincerity
After school there’s only awkward dating
Pretext gone, now awaiting rarities
Adopting solitude, loathing weekends
Fixate on something or face a crisis
Could be dire to disrobe from pretense
Asking in circles: is this what life is?
Note the irony of being alone
We’re all with you 🙂
Everyone is alone!
